


where it almost starts (but doesn't end)

by therestisconfetti



Series: little italy [1]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23323417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/therestisconfetti
Summary: Madison’s eyes are shining with something Zoe’s not familiar with, but she doesn’t think about it too hard. The alcohol is flowing freely in her system and Madison is so close, but Zoe won’t ruin this for herself - not here, in the middle of the dance floor with everyone able to watch her make a fool of herself all over Madison.or: the little italy au bonus (almost like a prequel, if you will)
Relationships: Zoe Benson/Madison Montgomery
Series: little italy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677301
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	where it almost starts (but doesn't end)

**Author's Note:**

> So my original thought was to always write this. At first, I definitely tried to make it part of the main story, either a flashback or af ull chapter, but as I kept writing I didn't see it fitting properly with the way the story was coming together. Instead, I took out what I'd written so far and decided to keep it for a separate fic.
> 
> I don't think you necessarily need to read we could stop running (back to where we started) fic to understand this one, but if you've read it, this basically the night at Cordelia's wedding that they refer to.

The lights are soft around the room, and Zoe feels that somehow, it emulates just how she feels on the inside - warm and full. Though Cordelia isn’t her actual mother, she does feel like the woman has been a maternal figure for her in addition to her real mom. To see her dancing with Misty, unable to control her laughter with those bright eyes and a warm smile just about fills Zoe to the brim with happiness.

Zoe’s always known deep down she’s a hopeless romantic - it’s the writer in her.

“They’re so cute,” Mallory sighs happily. “I love having two moms.”

The two of them are sitting at a table to the side, almost empty glasses of various alcoholic substances in front of them.

At Mallory’s comment, Zoe’s heart grows impossibly bigger. It’s sometimes easy to forget that in fact, Cordelia is actually Mallory’s godmother ando legal guardian. It’s funny though, because sometimes Mallory seems to be the spitting image of a young Cordelia, personality traits and all.

She grins at her best friend. “How thrilled are you that they officially tied the knot?”

Mallory snorts. “I’m just glad Madison didn’t manage to scare Misty off at any point.”

“Misty has too big of a heart,” Zoe tells her knowingly, a soft chuckle falling from her lips.

“I barely deal with her as my forced somewhat step sister,” Mallory says, but there’s a smile there. “Imagine having to take her as a step daughter.”

Zoe nudges her, a playful frown on her lips. “Madison’s not as terrible as she was in high school.”

“Oh, you would know,” Mallory smirks knowingly before she raises an eyebrow in a suggestive manner and knocks back the rest of her drink she’d been holding.

“Stop,” Zoe scoffs with a roll of her eyes. “We both know she used to be worse.”

Mallory shrugs. “Well yeah, but only one of us has had this weird _thing_ with her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zoe asks, though she already knows where this conversation is going.

“It’s like you hate each other one day and then the next you guys are best friends. And you know, there’s that part where you’re kind of into her.”

Zoe avoids looking at Mallory, twisting her lips. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Her best friend raises an eyebrow. “Oh, so we’re apparently over that now? Again?”

“This is a nice wedding, we’re not having this conversation,” Zoe tells her, picking her drink up off the table.

She hopes Mallory takes the hint and drops it. It’s not something they talk about, not really. It’s also never something Zoe’s openly admitted to anyone, even Mallory. But as Zoe’s best friend and Madison’s pseudo-step sister, the other girl has been able to piece it all together. She notices the way Zoe looks at Madison sometimes, and she grimaces at the way Zoe readily accepts Madison’s friendship even when they’ve been at each other’s throats and it’s Madison’s fault to begin with.

So Mallory knows, and maybe she teases about it, but Zoe knows she cares about them both in the end.

“Suit yourself,” Mallory decides, pushing out of her chair as Zoe holds in a sigh of relief. “I’m getting another round. Want anything?”

Zoe shakes her head, instead knocking back the rest of her drink as Mallory walks over to the open bar. She lets out a sigh when she puts her empty glass back down, eyes wandering the area. Her eyes somehow fall on Madison then, wrapped up in a conversation with a friend from high school. From what Zoe remembers, this girl and Madison don’t talk much now, but the girl’s mother is good friends with Cordelia.

But Zoe hates how stunning Madison looks in her soft green dress, how it falls off one shoulder so effortlessly. Madison’s picked up modeling as somewhat of a profession now along with acting, and Zoe has to say it suits her. She looks like a model right now, the way her hair falls down her back and her lips curve up into a smirk.

It’s pathetic, really, how Zoe still thinks Madison is the most intricate thing anywhere they go.

Zoe rolls her eyes at herself, hanging her head back in self scolding for a moment. Now she regrets not asking Mallory to get her another drink. She’s already well on her way to getting college-level drunk, but she thinks it should be allowed for tonight.

After all, they’re celebrating their favorite couple finally getting married.

When Zoe lifts her head, she sees Madison walking over to her. She quirks an eyebrow, unable to tell much other than the fact Madison is slightly tipsy already.

“You look like a loner sitting here by yourself,” Madison informs her when she’s close enough.

Zoe scoffs. “If you must know, Mallory went to go get another drink.”

“Sure she did,” Madison smirks.

Zoe just shakes her head and asks, “So did you have a reason come over here other than to insult me?”

Madison narrows her eyes ever so slightly for a moment before just looking at her. She’s been doing this a lot lately, Zoe’s noticed, giving her looks that Zoe can never quite read. 

“Dance with me.”

Zoe just looks at her for a moment, as if trying to see if Madison’s joking. She knows better, knows it probably means nothing more than they’re at Cordelia and Misty’s wedding and everyone is dancing, but still. 

“Come on,” Madison prods, holding out her hand to Zoe with a glint in her eyes. “I don’t bite.”

Zoe snorts at the comment and replies, “Arguable.” 

But she takes Madison’s hand anyway, and she thinks she sees Madison smile just a little. Before Zoe can think too hard about it, Madison is quickly turning and leading her away.

Madison stops somewhere in the middle and tugs Zoe towards her. It catches Zoe by surprise, who stumbles just slightly only to have Madison reach out and use her other hand to steady her by the waist.

“Careful you big klutz,” Madison teases as she begins to move along with the music.

Her eyes are big and bright and Zoe doesn’t remember a time that Madison’s looked so full of life quite like this.

“You’re hilarious,” Zoe deadpans, following Madison’s lead.

Madison only smirks, pleased, as they continue to dance. Zoe ducks her head, and Madison doesn’t have to think too hard to know her cheeks are flushed and it’s not because of all the alcohol they’ve been drinking tonight.

Zoe’s eyes wander as they dance until they fall on Cordelia and Misty. Her expression softens when she watches them laugh as they hold each other, foreheads resting against one another. Their laughter fades until all they can do is smile breathlessly at each other. Cordelia’s eyes are full of light and love, and it’s clear as day to Zoe that she’s finally found what’s been missing from her life.

“They’re so happy,” Zoe sighs, unable to help herself.

Madison turns her head and watches Cordelia and Misty for a moment, her lips turning up into a slight smile. Something about the moment warms her heart, knowing Cordelia’s finally found her match.

“Yeah,” she muses. “Who knew all she needed was a good old fashioned swamp bitch?”

Zoe’s hand that holds Madison’s side pinches the skin there lightly, causing Madison to gasp and turns back to her for a glare.

“Be nice,” Zoe chastises, though her words aren’t firm.

Madison gives her an exaggerated roll of her eyes as she replies, “You know I’m happy for Cordy. She deserves it.”

And she is, because Cordelia has done more for her than words can even begin to describe. They may fight a lot and Madison may give her a hard time, but Madison appreciates the woman more than anyone else would ever understand.

Not just anyone would take a 15-year-old with a mean streak into her own home after being kicked out by her own parents, but Cordelia did.

Zoe decides to let the nickname go with a shake of her head, looking at Cordelia and Misty one more time as she agrees, “She really does.”

Madison uses Zoe’s distracted state to pull away and spin her around. Zoe is caught by surprise and laughs, almost stumbling again in the process. Madison saves her though and pulls her close again, arm coming around Zoe’s waist smoothly as she smiles.

Zoe giggles, an arm wrapping around Madison to keep herself upright. She drops her head as she laughs, her forehead resting on Madison’s shoulder. She feels Madison smile against her temple, moving them to the music effortlessly without missing a beat.

When Zoe lifts her head again, Madison is looking at her with a glint in her eyes that Zoe catches from time to time. She figures it’s Madison being drunk, but Zoe can’t stop the smile that forms on her lips when she looks at the other girl.

“Is that how you get all the girls?” Zoe teases.

Madison gives her a smirk and raises her eyebrows answering with, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Zoe shakes her head and smiles at Madison, who laughs in return. Zoe knows this game they’ve been playing since they were younger has finally caught up to her, and she knows she stands no chance. She’s been stupidly in love with Madison Montgomery since the day they met when they were six years old and their parents thought it’d be fun to sign them up for the neighborhood soccer team.

But this frenemy-best friend dynamic they have has gone on for so long that Zoe knows Madison would never want her in that way, not when she has girls and guys wrapped around her finger with a single smirk.

“You’re something else, Madison Montgomery.”

“So are you, string bean.”

Madison’s eyes are shining with something Zoe’s not familiar with, but she doesn’t think about it too hard. The alcohol is flowing freely in her system and Madison is so close, but Zoe won’t ruin this for herself - not here, in the middle of the dance floor with everyone able to watch her make a fool of herself all over Madison.

No, instead she decides to take in every bit of this while she can. She leans into Madison touch, trying not to think too hard about the way Madison is looking at her in a way she can’t understand, like there’s real meaning behind the way she looks at Zoe.

* * *

The bartender slides over another glass of wine and Zoe picks it up eagerly, knowing that she probably does not need this but choosing to ignore the logic. She can’t quite keep track of how many drinks she’s had tonight, but the idea of another glass just sounds _so_ good. 

“I think you need to be cut off.”

Zoe turns to find Madison with her own glass of some kind of cocktail in her hand. Madison is giving her what Zoe is sure Madison thinks is a smirk, but the way it’s softer than usual gives way to the fact that Madison is possibly just as drunk as she is.

“Only if you are too,” Zoe responds, quirking an eyebrow and eyeing Madison’s glass.

Madison snorts, taking a sip out of her glass to prove a point before she says, “Yeah fucking right.”

Zoe only shakes her head, the slightest of smiles on her slips as she lifts her glass towards Madison and takes a sip of her own drink. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Zoe knows that this probably isn’t a good idea. Then Mallory appears out of seemingly nowhere with three shots and Zoe knows they’re screwed.

None of them seem to care, though, not when they’re laughing and Cordelia is happy and everything seems okay.

The song blasting through the speakers of the venue changes and as the beat continues, both Zoe and Madison’s eyes widen as they look at each other. Mallory realizes what’s going on and whines, a big pout on her lips.

“I hate this song!” she tells them. “You guys won’t stop playing it.”

The other two choose to ignore her comment, both downing their shots before they’re grabbing each other and running to the dance floor, screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs. It’s the song they’ve been listening to for at least a week straight for god knows what reason. When Cordelia catches their attention from another part of the room, she smiles wide and knowingly at them as they yell out the lyrics.

Mallory only shakes her head, but she smiles before she’s downing her own shot and racing off to join them.

* * *

After too many drinks and a failed attempt to catch the bouquet - which, they hadn’t even tried hard to catch, by the way - Zoe and Madison manage to stumble to the back of the venue, slipping outside without much notice from anyone else.

There’s railing along a stone path that leads out to a sitting area out back lit with lampposts, but both Madison and Zoe settle for leaning comfortably against the railing. The breeze is soft and the air is warm tonight, and they can see the business from downtown in the distance behind the trees.

They are both well past drunk now, barely even able to get through a full conversation before they burst into giggles or steer the topic of conversation a completely new direction, but the fresh air settles them the longer they stay out, the more calming it is to be away from the noise of the reception.

Zoe realizes then how much she misses Madison when they’re apart. They’ve been anything but functional over the past few years, but having Madison around, here in New Orleans and not flown out to a photoshoot or an audition, feels like everything in the world is right again.

Madison is here, drunk and laughing at the way Zoe’s eyes squint when she’s too drunk and how she tries to start her philosophical tirades before Madison quickly cuts her off and tells her how much of a nerd she is. She is here, and something about this moment feels like it belongs to Zoe and Zoe alone.

“Do you ever think about how long we’ve known each other?” Zoe asks when they find a lull in conversation.

Madison looks up at her, a drunken smile on her lips. “Yeah, cause I can’t seem to get rid of you no matter what I do.”

Zoe lets out a scoff, shoving at Madison’s shoulder lightly. It’s the intended reaction because Zoe catches Madison with the slightest of smiles, looking away like she might just break into a full out smile if Zoe meets her eye.

“You’re the worst,” Zoe laughs.

Madison raises her eyebrows, a soft smirk following along with them as she says, “I’m not so bad if you still stick around after all these years.”

Something about the comment makes Zoe soften, a smile gracing her lips. She knows at the core that Madison is right, but at this moment she can’t find a bad thing about it.

“Something like that,” she hums softly, noticing the way Madison looks warmer in the dim lamp post lighting.

Her answer makes Madison smile, slow and genuine. It’s hardly a smile that ever graces Madison’s lips, and Zoe feels satisfied to know she’s managed to pull another one of these smiles out of Madison yet again like she does from time to time.

There is no smart comment from Madison’s mouth. She doesn’t play that game she always plays, the one that Zoe is so often losing, the one where she smirks and says something that makes Zoe blush or roll her eyes or tell her she’s annoying. No, instead Madison is looking at her through hazy eyes with that same smile.

It’s unclear whether it’s the way Madison is looking at her or the fact she is very much intoxicated, but Zoe catches even herself off guard with her next move.

She leans in, pressing her lips against Madison’s softly, hesitantly. Madison isn’t expecting it in the slightest, much to Zoe’s surprise, it doesn’t take long before Madison reciprocates, tilting her head for a better angle. For once, Zoe doesn’t let herself think or second guess or analyze the situation she’s found herself in. This time, she just reacts.

Their kisses are sloppy and shy, but neither of them even think about pulling away. One of Madison’s hands ends up on Zoe’s cheek while Zoe steadies herself by holding onto Madison’s waist before pulling her closer. Zoe knows in the very back of her brain, there is a part of her consciousness yelling at her, asking her what the hell she thinks she’s doing, but it doesn’t seem to reach the forefront at all.

No, she is consumed with Madison Montgomery and the way their lips move together and how Zoe knows deep down she’s wanted this all along.

When Madison finally pulls away, Zoe is afraid to open her eyes. She doesn’t know what she’ll find, but there is that feeling in her gut that tells her this is not what she’s always wanted it to be.

“Zoe.”

It comes out as a whisper, soft and quiet, like Madison is afraid of speaking too loud and ruining the moment.

At this, Zoe can’t help but open her eyes.

Madison’s big, hazel eyes are looking up at her curiously, like she herself is trying to figure out what happened. It’s unlike her to be speechless, but Zoe thinks she’s managed to take all the words out of the girl.

Zoe wonders if she should speak, but can’t seem to figure out what she wants to say. What _should_ she say? It’s unclear to her if Madison had even processed what just occurred.

But she doesn’t manage to find the words in time because they both hear the backdoor to the venue swing open.

“There you are!”

Zoe recognizes the voice as Misty. She and Madison both turn to face her, the two of them now standing a foot apart.

“Madison, we’ve been looking for you,” Misty says. “Delia wants to take more photos!”

At this, Madison seems to snap back to herself almost immediately.

“More photos?” she whines. “We’ve taken like a million.”

“Just a few more,” Misty promises, then she looks at Zoe with an apologetic smile. “Sorry to take her away.”

Madison trudges to the door, telling Misty she needs another drink before shutting it behind them, leaving Zoe by herself.

Zoe just stares dumbly at the closed door, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

For all the drinks she had, for how drunk she just felt minutes ago, Zoe feels like she’s quickly sobering up.

She just kissed Madison Montgomery.

Oh, god.

* * *

Zoe sits in front of her computer and opens the tab she’s been purposefully ignoring for weeks now.

Her acceptance to graduate school arrived in her inbox weeks ago, and it’s only now that the enrollment page is pulled up on her screen. Looking at it now makes her stomach twist, though she can’t tell if it’s excitement or nervous anticipation.

The graduate school she’s been accepted to is in London. An amazing program that she’s still not quite sure she should even have been considered for, but she’d be leaving New Orleans and everything she calls home for at least a year, maybe two. She’s never been away for more than a few months at a time, and that was only for college.

She has yet to hear from Madison since last night. Zoe knows Madison caught an early flight this morning to return to her acting gig back in Los Angeles. And well, it’s not like _Zoe’s_ going to text her after kissing her at Cordelia’s wedding.

Her mind has been racing through a thousand different possibilities since she woke up this morning, but there is a thought at the forefront of her mind that she cannot shake. Last night was probably just another drunken night for Madison. It wasn’t life altering in any way, and anyway, maybe Madison doesn’t even remember Zoe kissing her.

Honestly, Zoe should be relieved. She doesn’t have to have an awkward conversation with the girl she’s known since she was six years old about what kissing each other at a wedding means. But there is still that tiny part of her that clings to hope, that clings onto the _what if._

She stares at the enrollment page in front of her, chewing at her bottom lip. With a soft sigh, she enrolls into the program. She tells herself it’s because it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up. And it is, really.

But Zoe knows herself better than that. She knows that the reality of the situation is she and Madison would never work. They’ve always walked this weird line, but Zoe knows that she’s the only one out of the two who would cross it.

This, whatever it is, has only ever been a game to Madison. Win or lose. Make Zoe blush, win. Be caught off guard by one of Zoe’s comments, lose. It’s the way the two of them have always been, back when winning or losing meant beating each other at soccer or whatever childish game they were playing.

When the enrollment goes through and her laptop chimes with an emailed confirmation, Zoe can only sit back at stare.

In a month, she moves to London.

She doesn’t tell anyone outside of her family, Mallory and Cordelia and Misty.

Madison doesn’t come home before Zoe leaves.

Zoe doesn’t come back.


End file.
